I call my self a writer – but to be honest I’m beginning to feel this label is a complete lie. I haven’t written anything substantial in quite a while. In the past few years the only writing I have managed to do is in lovely little writing group that meets up monthly – and again, being honest, the last few sessions I’ve been woeful at actually getting any writing done.
So am I a writer?
Well I hope so. Of everything I’ve ever done in my life so far writing has been the thing that gave me the strongest sense of self. When in the flow of a story I’m at ease – nothing can touch me. I'm totally immersed in a world of my own making. All worldly worries melt away and I am nothing but the words I write.
It’s beautiful and it makes me so happy – but it has been a very long time since I was in ‘the flow of a story’.
In my teenage years writing was my bread and butter. For hours on end while other kids were out playing sports or going to the cinema I was in my room scribbling or typing away – I was so prolific I’d make James Patterson look like George RR Martin (no offence George, love the books!).
Then at 16 I got the mother of all writers block and I’ve never really pulled out of it. In the 9 years between then and now I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve gotten into ‘the flow of a story’.
So, am I a writer?
I can feel the lack of it, and try time and again to get the ‘flow’ back. But I’m my own worst enemy – I start, I falter, I question my ability, I compare my style, I doubt my talent and in the end my insecurities win. Now so many stories are half told, characters never fully realised, worlds partly formed – I long to get back to them.
I envy those who literally can’t not write, I bubble with jealousy wishing that something in me demanded the stories to be told instead of letting them fester in the recesses of my mind (wow, that was a slightly darker sentence than I’d intended it to be). Though I’m also aware that they make time for it – they don’t let their insecurities rule their pen (well, fingers).
I’ve started a new project, it’s something fun – but ridiculously complex. I decided to start at the end – something I’ve never done before. I’m already feeling the insecurities rise and excuses to avoid it start so I find myself writing this post. I’m writing it for an outlet – to give these fears a place that isn’t my head. But also to ask – how do you push through? Do you have any little techniques to keep you going?
If you're writing, then you're a writer.
ReplyDeleteI was in a similar situation. About 8 or 9 years passed between when I first conceived of the character who would become Nathan Shepherd, and the plot seeds that would become my first book. I let the work slide and slipped into a depressed rutt until finally, years later, I went back to Nathan and told his story. Hang in there, and keep writing!
As for how I push through? I remember how it feels when I'm not writing. How sad and dull everything becomes. And then I remember the sheer joy of making words appear on the screen.
My techniques are simple. I got myself some great crit partners and made sure that, as much as I badger them about their work, they keep asking me how mine is going. Having another person cheering you on, eager to see the next chapter, is a great confidence boost. It becomes addictive.
If you need a crit partner, by the way, I'd be more than happy to help out.
I agree with Paul. If you write, you're a writer. If you're a storyteller, you're a writer. Hell, if you're a blogger you're a writer!
ReplyDeleteI find that insecurities die down a bit if you keep reminding yourself that what you're writing is a first draft. For first drafts (& second drafts, & third...) I tend to focus on hitting a specific wordcount every day or every week, just to force myself to write. That way, it doesn't matter if what I'm writing isn't any good; it's just a first draft, & it's the wordcount that matters.
Maybe try something like what I'm doing for my thesis at the moment (to combat procrastination & insecurity): set a timer for fifteen minutes, start writing, & don't stop writing until the timer goes off, keeping in mind that what you're writing is the skeleton of the story, & that once it's all written it can be edited & improved on later.
Sorry I'm so late to the party here, Germany sort of cut into my blog reading!
ReplyDeleteI broke my writers' block by telling myself all I had to do was write, no one ever had to read it, and it didn't matter if I wrote junk that could actually win a junk-writing contest. No one was ever going to see it.
That freed me up enough to get words on the page and it didn't take long before I was looking at the flaws and thinking 'right, if I want to get rid of these I need feedback from people' and started sharing it. But that came much later. Step one was just letting myself write for myself and no one else.
If you want to chat about this offline sometime, give me a shout.
Thank you guys! I have to say it took me a week before I finally started but I'm happy to say ... I'm working on it!
ReplyDeleteI will most definetly be taking up offers of help advice and even just chatting about it - talking about writing has always helped me write!